Have you heard the phrase “arrested development”?
Strong early experiences (aka trauma) inhibit the ability for your PFC (nervous system) to complete the transition into adulthood.
Don’t fight with yourself … instead, get somatic psychotherapy from a competent practitioner who knows how to free you from the status-quo.
the unconscious drive for Homeostasis preservation (aka status quo)
Dewey Gaedcke’s answer to What are the benefits of seeking therapy?