Every human has an active process in their unconscious that I call a “drive for homeostasis preservation”. It means that we’re all secretly afraid of destabilizing change, even when it is very positive change. Evolved drives in our DNA much prefer the status-quo. This is the reason that spouses return back to (or pick another) addict or abuser as their relationship partner.
But because this process is unconscious and very invisible, we’re not aware of it’s power and influence. The easiest way to see it is to study your own thinking, and notice the many ways in which it is clearly quite distorted. Observe and study yourself making unfounded and illogical conclusions, as evidence that something interesting is afoot.
Here are a few common examples of poor thinking that should be easily recognizable as part of this rationalization process:
- Therapy doesn’t work — REALLY?? Have you tried every modality and experimented with lots of different competent people? Does it possibly make sense that self-study (introspection / therapy), aka “knowing yourself better” (by discovering what is invisibly automatic in you) would not give you more power, choice and leverage in the world? What if some part of you is heavily resistant and doesn’t want it to “work”? How can a rational person conclude that something so obvious and well validated as therapy (self-study) WOULD NOT give them a leg up, without also wondering what they themselves are adding to the mix that makes it SEEM not to work FOR THEM. The very answer to that question lies in self-study.
- I’m hopeless; There is no point in making effort — REALLY? You believe the habits of your nervous system cannot be changed / shifted? That’s silly … it’s happening right now, as you read this page. If you’ve EVER learned anything in your life, THAT is evidence that your nervous system is maleable and can be modified. So why would a smart person like you ASSUME the opposite, when all the evidence says otherwise?
- Everyone is going to take advantage of me; It’s unreasonable for me to trust a therapist — lets do a simple calculation here, shall we? If you had to choose between getting tricked/manipulated A FEW TIMES, vs living with a painful problem YOUR WHOLE LIFE, which would you pick?? What is worse? And if you answered that getting tricked would be worse, what process INSIDE YOU is causing that insane answer to rush to the top? How can you NOT conclude that something very strange and interesting is going on here? Are you curious about such a weird priority scheme bubbling up from your mind? Can you be curious as to whether you PERCEIVE insincerity when people are being straight up with you? What would be the cost of mistakenly carrying THAT BELIEF your whole life? Curiosity is your friend here!!
- I’m as happy as possible; there is nothing new to discover in my unconscious; I’m not governed by an invisible personality strategy — let me get this straight. Your nervous system is regulating heartbeat, blood chemistry, anxiety, emotional regulation, and 1000 other invisible and automatic processes, but you KNOW with 100% certainty that it’s not heavily influencing who you allow in your life, the kind of work you do, your sex life, earning power, etc. Only a fool would be so confident about things they cannot see and clearly have not studied in great depth. Such silly thinking must also make you curious about your mind.
- Unconscious shame and fear of digging it up — read here for more!
All my posts regarding the drive for homeostasis preservation are here
Dewey Gaedcke’s answer to Why do people avoid therapy?