It’s quite easy to say or describe, and quite a bit harder to change. It takes really good therapy to break these patterns.
Here is the short version:
Q: Can you hold your hand on a hot-stove??
A: No … of course not. Even the most advanced meditators and hypnotists cannot do this
If you treat your EMOTIONAL PAIN, with the same care and acuity as you apply to physical pain, then it is IMPOSSIBLE to remain in toxic relationships. You just can’t remain because you acknowledge how much it hurts.
Now many on Quora will argue that it’s the abuser who “keeps you hooked” … but the truth is (when speaking of adults), it’s your own unconscious strategies that keep you hooked. You are simultaneously IN THE HABIT of denying and deflecting emotional pain, and you are also in the habit of discouraging yourself (fear) in the face of uncertain change.
Your psyche is holding onto status-quo (aka homeostasis preservation) with a death grip, so EVEN WHEN you notice and acknowledge emotional pain, you are terrified of removing your hand and jumping into the unknown.
This is hard to hear, but it’s what many of the NPD groups on Quora don’t want to face … that all of this is an inside job. It can be a lot of responsibility for people who are used to running from it.