For a given environmental context, the odds of surviving through child-rearing age (aka passing-on ones genes) increased dramatically, when the being behaves very similarly to his/her parents. This simple mathematical principle (driven hard by evolution) is the basis for two important psychological phenomena:
- parental-introjects; the automatic process of making a copy of my parents psyche (good and bad aspects of personality) into my own psyche
- resistance (aka the drive for homeostasis preservation); these are unconscious drivers for preserving the status-quo (aka not changing enough to become systemically destabilized)
No matter what they believe, or what they tell you, EVERY client has some part of them that is terrified of, and resistant to, destabilizing (even healthy/positive) changes. If you watch carefully, you will see it quite clearly as you lead them near the core issue that has been governing their life.
The most masterful and competent therapists of which I’m aware, respect and honor this fundamental “organic” phenomena of nature. They slow down and “backfill” competencies to increase tolerance for change, and provide alternative tools to meet needs. In Hakomi, this is called “psychological non-violence” and it’s a crucial tenant of the method … I suspect of much good trauma work.
For my part, I’m a bit impatient and I enjoy seeing and facilitating big openings. So I prefer the clients who recognize the truth of the above, and lean into tolerance for becoming destabilized. This includes facing strong emotion, trying on different self-images, and using tools such as psychedelics to re-open the meta-plasticity of critical periods.
I don’t know if it’s good or bad, but I prefer clients willing to be a bit experimental in the drive to uncover whatever is blocking them. Something about their courage bolsters my own hope and motivates me to keep working with them. I suspect I may be terrified of boredom and irrelevance. Something for me to work on next.
Dewey Gaedcke’s answer to What are the benefits of seeking therapy?