For those who won’t read all the way below, let me say at the beginning that good therapy DOES NOT involve much “advice or suggestions”. Good therapy teaches you what is unconscious and automatic IN YOU, from your powers of noticing and having direct experiences.
Now on to your question …
When a client steps up and begins (or tries to) drive/direct/control the session, it’s called “peering”. It means the client is acting as if they have the same (or better) depth of understanding and competence (are a “peer” to their therapist) about the change process as is the therapist.
Sadly, there are enough bad therapists out there that this reckless and counter productive assumption is sometimes true. There are also certain therapeutic modalities in which the client is SUPPOSED to drive. In all modalities, the clients unconscious “tells” SHOULD be heavily influencing the therapist.
But it’s always a TERRIBLE strategy and a serious red-flag for the client to overtly and consciously control or direct the session.
Here’s why:
- if you really ARE better equipped than the professional you’ve hired (rare), you don’t need them; stop dicking around and hire a better therapist
- if you are NOT better equipped, (most common) then you’ve just demonstrated clear delusion and arrogance, which is simply wasting time, and slowing your progress
- your unconscious is terrified of being destabilized; most commonly, it’s “assuming” your more competent, as a safety strategy to prevent forward progress and find safety in “control” (status quo or homeostasis preservation). While it may make you less anxious, it’s not giving you what you came or paid for → healing and change.
- Most of our wounds originated in relationship, and thus need to be healed in relationship. When you take control of the session, you are no longer a collaborator in the healing process, you are an overbearing parent … just like the one who wounded you and taught you that other people cannot be trusted to hold you and have your best interests at heart. In short, you are subliminally anchoring one of your wounds.
- If you do this long enough or frequently enough, your therapist will naturally feel a bit of hopelessness. Even though it’s our job to not let such things affect us, we’re human and you are (unconsciously) training our nervous system to be slightly less invested and motivated in your case
Dewey Gaedcke’s answer to What are the benefits of seeking therapy?