I feel really conflicted by this question, because I hold several very nuanced views that make it really problematic. Those beliefs are:
- most therapists haven’t done their own deep characterological work and thus really don’t understand their clients as deeply as required to be excellent. In short, most are only slightly helpful.
- therapy (retraining the client nervous system) is so slow and nuanced, as to be imperceptible to all but the most experienced clients; thus your sense of whether it’s helping or not, is largely blind to what the therapist is up to, and you are uninformed as to how change actually happens. In short, most clients are unqualified to assess therapist competence
- The unconscious of the client is working to prevent destabilizing change (aka resistance; aka homeostasis preservation), and thus a “my therapist sucks” story is the perfect excuse to give up and stop therapy. So your diagnosis of therapist efficacy is very likely influenced by your unconscious terror of change. So again, I don’t trust it with much weight.
A simple answer would say:
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Just always tell your therapist what you are thinking; even if you think they suck
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Strong advice: recognize what I’ve said above and don’t take your opinion / perspective too seriously. Don’t act on it until you see how your therapists responds and wait for more evidence for or against positive change in your work together.
Good luck!!
homeostasis preservation articles